It all feels so pointless… and sometimes, that’s okay.
Been working on the journal my therapist assigned me with, and I’m finally starting to understand its purpose. Though as I come to realize the truth of my situation, I find myself losing faith in the future. For myself, and the world. Who wants to wake up every morning, reminded of the terrible life you’ve led, then fight it back to remind you there is a reason to keep going, then continue about the day without completely breaking down, wondering why no one else is struggling quite as hard as you are.
Of course, there are other people struggling, I just don’t see them, whether they’re holding themselves up better than I am, or if I’m just not looking in the right places. I used to always have others around to remind me I’m not alone in the suffering, but now I’m stuck in my apartment with no real connection to the outside world, and the only person’s fault it is, is myself.
The pain of remembering those people, both dead and alive, no threads to tug on to rekindle any conversation. Not even to know if the ones that were still alive, continue to be.
The Truth: While the past is important, it isn’t something to dwell on.
The Reality: My brain will never stop torturing me for not doing better by my connections, whether it truly was my fault or not.
So, how do we cope? How does one facilitate any hope for the future, when all you can consider is the past evidence proving every new consideration wrong, without new testing?
I dunno, but I’ll let you know when I do.
But what about the fun stuff?
Oooh buddy, I am super excited to get these new earplugs in the mail! Supposedly they make listening easier, and block out all the grating noises. I am stressed about getting them though, I’m fine with being patient, but I always stress about trusting new (to me) companies when it comes to recieving a package. Either way however, I’m happy to see how they work out if and when I get them!